never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
