I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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