it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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