i think my mom watched the whole time
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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