I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
