I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
