There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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