fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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