So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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