oh god the rape fog is back!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
