so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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