My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
