My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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