i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
