Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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