We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
