ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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