I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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