Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
