oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
