Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
