this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Are my feet made of real feet?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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