piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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