Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
