if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The air was thick with penises
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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