Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
