I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
