She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
