I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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