shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
