you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
