Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
