considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
