i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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