hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
