my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's shark week go big or go home
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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