She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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