Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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