Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Someone signed my nipple.
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