I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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