Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just want nice things and good sex
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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