Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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