I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You need Xanax blowdarts
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
