oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
