VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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