I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
