It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
