I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
