non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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