smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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